Basic rules for driving in Canberra

(from www.xfalcon.com )

1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Canberra driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive repairs. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Canberra.

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre.

10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Canberra is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the Urban services, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not forgetting the 'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.

12. It is traditional in Canberra to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

15. Remember that the goal of every Canberra driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

16. Real Canberra women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Real Canberra men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 95 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.

19. There is a commonly held belief in Canberra that high-speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because, hell - they have brakes.

21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around The Causeway, Lower Kambah, Lower Wanniassa, Scullin, Areas of Ainslie, and Oaks Estate.

22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one-way street.

23. It's O.K when driving in Belconnen's suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "#%*#". However, it is imperative you are driving at least a 5-litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.

24. Canberra drivers are experts at merging, when in two or more lanes travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone politely indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off, should they succeed and get into your lane never mind that it was actually legal for them to do that, ensure that your flash your lights, honk your horn, use extreme hand gestures, even tailgate them, just to let them know, IT WAS YOUR LANE.

25. Ensure that when merging into traffic travelling at any more than 40kph that you stop in the merging lane, backing up traffic for miles behind you, ensuring that you have given yourself or no-one else that opportunity to merge. Again, forget that the traffic handbook states that you should speed up to meet traffic speed then merge. If you are travelling in a lane near a merge lane, don't changes lanes to make it easy for them, instead see rule 24, after all they deserve it.

26. While using Canberra roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts, ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.

27. Roundabouts are actually stop signs. Stop at the roundabout even if there are no other cars entering or in the roundabout when you arrive. This keeps the motorists behind you on their toes because they, having checked there is nothing coming, stupidly expect you to keep going only to find with a hair's breadth to spare that you didn't.

28. If you are an Action bus driver, you must win at all costs, getting to your destination prior to any other driver is life and death. Never worry about your passengers bouncing round in the back like tennis balls, hell it's a cheap form of theme park, in fact Canberra's very own.

29. Canberra Cabs, see rule 27, except you are now qualifying for the GMC 400.

30. Pedestrian crossings - What are they?

31. If you are a cyclist, remember YOU ARE INVINCIBLE, you are stronger than ANY vehicle travelling at speed, MAKE SURE you take the whole lane for yourself, and at night NEVER use lights, remember They Will See You

Stig drives trams

Someone gave me a Stig keychain for festivus. I broke the chain off and will use him in a series of improbable photoessays.

I present Stig Driving a W-Class Melbourne Tram as my first effort.

Thanks for watching.

It's a Gas - LPG for newbies

Over the festivus break I drove the XF Pano down to Victoria and travelled into Central Victoria, and around Melbourne. I put around 2500 km on the car. All on gas, as the pano is a dedicated LPG car. Apart from a small problem with the C4 transmission (it doesn't like going into 3rd, unless I exceed 100 km/h or 4000 RPM!) it ran very well. The overheating problems have been resolved, and although I travelled on some very hot summer days, the pano did not overheat once. Thermo fans are a good thing.

I did experience a few problems with the LPG system, that I wish people had told me about . When I mention them to people who have used LPG they tell me they know all about them!

1. limited range
   
2. hot days cause pressure problems requiring a 30 minute wait to refuel, after parking the pano in the shade.
   
3. low gas levels cause the pano to burp and fart until the tank is filled
   
4. some petrol stations do not have LPG pumps, or they have only one. 

Problem number one I knew about when I bought the pano up from Melbourne last year. Around town it is not a problem, but refueling four times to travel from Canberra to Melbourne is not good. To resolve this I am thinking about fitting a second tank, a donut or toroidal tank, in the place where the original XF fuel tank used to reside, behind the passenger seat.

Problem number two was new to me and occurred at the Hume service centre near Wangaratta. I pulled in on fumes and the LP gas just would not pump into the cars tank. I had no idea what the problem was and went in to tell the service centre cashier that I thought her pump was broken. She told me that my tank was hot, and this was a common problem, and to just wait 15 to 20 minutes. That ended up being a 30 minute wait. The same problem occurred on the return trip at the Gundagai service centre. On that occasion, a queue of frustrated people behind me led me to park the car, have a late afternoon snack and attempt a refill 30 minutes later (successfully). On both days the temperature was above 30 degrees celsisus.

I have discussed this phenomena with several LPG users, who all confirm its. Some said it was the reason they kept their car dual fuel. I'm not sure how to resolve this problem. One woman told me that before the drought she used to hose the tank down until it was cool enough to refuel.

Pano cooling down in shade, awaiting LPG

Problem number three occurred twice, and fortunately I was able to drive a few km's to refill the tank. The problems then disappeared.

Problem number four occurred twice. I pulled in to refuel in a petrol station in Melbourne and they had no LPG pump! At Gundagai service centre, there are at least 20 petrol pumps and one two nozzle LPG pump. There was a queue for this, and they didn't appreciate a person with LPG problems holding them up. A major petrol stop on the Hume needs more than one LPG pump.

Although these problems are inconvenient, the advantages of LPG are greater than these minor problems (to be overcome).  A car on LP Gas is kinder to the environment, with fewer harmful emissions than a petrol or diesel powered car, and is much cheaper to run. Typically fuel ranged from 58c a litre to 78c a litre (Gundagai). My fuel cost was a third that of the equivalent distance in a petrol powered V8 car (all my other cars are petrol powered V8's, except the bus).  I give LPG the thumbs up.

UPDATE APR 2010 - When having my car serviced, it was discovered that the sender on the LPG tank was faulty. It has been replaced and now I can drive several hundreds of kilometres without my tank APPEARING to be empty.